By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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