I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
