I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
