plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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