wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
