Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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