I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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