I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
