then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
