The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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