i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
