Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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