Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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