Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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