I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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