I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
