I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
