i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
