I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
