Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i love accidental penises.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
