I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
