She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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