We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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