Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
