Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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