found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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