I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
