i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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