You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
