Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
