Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
