Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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