saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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