He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
