My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
