that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
