That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
