every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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