His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize