It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
