Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We got so high we made milksteak
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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