i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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