you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
