Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
