i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
