I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
