Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
