I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
