Screwed.edu
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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