If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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