That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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