the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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