Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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