Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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