Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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