true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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