I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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