i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
