i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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