Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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