Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
