did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
