Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
