tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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