Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize