If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
