the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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