Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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